Choosing to Not Be Offended

This afternoon I had an interesting experience. Other friends and I have laughed about what some people have to said to us in reference to the number of children we have. We laugh about all the things we wish we could have said in response.

Today as I was picking up Adam from school I was carrying Lillian and holding Michael's hand. A gentleman passing by was counting my children out loud..."I see one, two...?" Since I was picking up Adam at the school, he could assume I had at least one more and as I'm now obviously pregnant, he seemed surprised. I replied, "Three and a half, actually!" (I might add that I was cheerful about it). As I was walking away he joked, "You know the cause and effect, right?"

I rather boldly replied, "Yeah, we've got that one down great, thanks!" Then I just continued to walk away as I heard him chuckle. In retrospect, maybe I should have just smiled and walked away, but the words just flew out of my mouth! As a married woman and mother of nearly four, I better know how and why I have children. Might as well let this gentleman know I enjoy my children and my husband and I purposefully have more than one. :)

As I walked up to the school a woman looked at me and apologized. I didn't understand why she was apologizing ("maybe the guy was her husband?" I thought, but nope, he wasn't). She apologized that he was so rude and said the amount of children I had was none of his business. "You could have twenty kids if you want!" No, thank you...one at a time is all I can handle. She was so offended by what he had said to me, a total stranger.

I simply told her, "It's ok. I've heard it before. They all have good intentions." I didn't realize until I was driving home that I simply chose to not be offended. The nice lady was offended in my behalf, but it probably spoiled her afternoon. I probably offended her by not being offended by the other guy! I'm glad that the gentleman seemed light-hearted about the whole thing and not derogatory. I could be stewing mad about what he said all evening, but I'm not. I just let it roll off and now I'm just grateful that I chose to not be offended.

Perhaps there will be another time when I consciously make a choice...and hopefully I won't be offended then either. It's always our choice. So choose to not be offended. It makes your day so much better and it will probably take the wind out someone's sails if they are intentionally trying to offend you.

The Lesson to Be Learned...Again

We all have lessons that we think we learn only to be reminded we didn't learn them well enough and are given opportunities to try again. Or perhaps, we just forget what we learned. I think sometimes the knowledge we gain from trials and experience is clouded out by that little stinker, Satan.

I think women tend to compare themselves to each other (more than men). We're told not to it, we tell ourselves not to do it, we usually feel crummy when we do, but we still do it. The little voices at my house have told me multiple times the last few months, "I don't like you!" or "You're a meanie!" or "you're not my friend anymore." (I finally cracked on that last one a few weeks ago and said, "Well, I'm not your friend, I'm your mom." I followed it up with a hug once we all calmed down.)

When I hear those little words I sadly think, "I'm not good enough. I'm a horrible mother!" or  "I bet so-and-so's kids never say that." I know better. I am good enough, I'm a good enough mom and so-and-so's kids DO say that...she told me so last week. I think Satan does his best to surround us with little creepers that tell us we're not good enough. Most tv shows and ads tell us we should look, dress, dance, spend money, etc. like someone else. What's wrong with being who we are?

When we were in a married student ward I was talking with a sister and she told me she always wanted to develop her own business and have all sorts of success. She never really wanted to marry and have kids. And yet, there she was, a wife and mother of two sweet boys. And standing there with her, I thought there was something wrong with me because I've never had big dreams of being anything...anything but a mother. She said that now she is a wife and mother she would never trade it.

 This is what I always dreamed of having...along with my sweet Brian. I attained my dream and it just keeps getting better. We keep working together and day by day, it gets better.

The lesson I seem to keep having to learn again: if you are doing your best, you are good enough.

The last few months I've been trying my best to start running. I do not like running. I never have. That one mile run in middle school...I didn't like it. There was a time in college when I used to run the stairs for exercise, but I never liked it. The past year I decided I wanted to be in better shape, so I got it in my head, "you could run a race. Seriously, self, you can." So I started running. Sort of.

I felt stupid that I would run for 60 seconds, walk for 90, repeat and the girly next to me was running at 6.5mph for 45 minutes straight. Yeah, I wondered what on earth I was doing. Who was I kidding? I can't run. And then I was reminded to not compare myself to the girl next to me...or the 60 year on the other side jogging his heart out while I tried to run. Ya know, the week before I couldn't do the 60/90 jog/walk. I chose to compare myself to my past self to see improvement.

This past weekend, I ran my race. I couldn't run the WHOLE time, but I finished the race, I didn't kill myself, and I got a better time than I did running at the gym. Now THAT I feel good about. Brian ran with me and stuck by my side the whole time. Oh I love him. Adam and Michael ran races the night before. They both biffed it in the grass, but got up and finished the race. They weren't the fastest. I wasn't the fastest. But we finished the race. We did our very best and we finished. 

 

My lesson learned: try your best and you are good enough. As a mom, I have to remember that as long as I do my best, I'm good enough. Like the boys in the race, I'm going to biff it, but I have to get up and finish the race. Those stinky parts of motherhood, they end. They look miniscule when I remember moments like this: 

 And those silly faces from my kids help me remember, it's okay. There's a gym that we pass on the way to several destinations in town and the inspiration they had on their sign the last few weeks was a good reminder. "Strive for progress, not perfection." So, dear mommy self, if you're making progress, you're doing perfect. And same applies to you other mommies and daddies, husbands, wives, singles, etc. If you're doing your best, you're making progress and you're doing perfect. Keep on doing your best.

*As I finish this post, I learned that Lillian unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper. And Michael got into mischief, again. We're making progress...not perfection. :)

Good Ole Nauvoo

Just a quick little post...since it's late. I can't believe it's been nearly nine months...oops. Anyway, we were very blessed to go to Nauvoo in July with some of Brian's band buddies and it was a blast. I'll have to write more about it later...maybe. If the kids all are good for 30 minutes at the same time. But here's some pics from when we went to the temple before we left.

 We learned a lot from this family photo...well, I did. Let's hope I remember next time. 

 The kiddos on the steps of the Nauvoo temple.

 Can we just squeeze this little cutie? We just love her!

 Kiddos in front of a sun stone. There's just something magical about Nauvoo.

 Hopefully our boys will grow to have as good as a friendship as Joseph and Hyrum. Brothers just have a special relationship.

It's a short post after such a long absence, but I can't apologize for spending my time with the kids and Brian. Maybe we'll post again soon. Maybe.

Like I said, it's magic.

Lillian's Baby Blessing

We are so thankful that both Brian's parents and my parents were able to come out for Lillian's baby blessing. She was blessed on November 4th and the first of our children to be blessed in front of our ward! It was a beautiful blessing. Afterwards, in Relief Society, a sister gave me a piece of paper and said she wrote things down for us so we could remember and tell Lillian about it. She said someone did the same for her with her three kids and she was really grateful, especially with her third as she had two rowdy boys to help at the time. I am so grateful she wrote it down for us. I was thinking about it the day before and how nice it would be to have it written down so Lillian could read about it later, but I no idea to how to it. She was an answer to my prayers. Thank you Susan!

 The boys enjoyed playing in the Ghinko leaves while they waited...I love my boys!

Lillian News

Ok, I know we're behind...but let's be honest, I have the best excuse! Isn't she adorable?

 Lillian on 10/17/12. Since I have the perfect model, I had to practice some photography...not that it's getting much attention, but every now and then, we try. Someday...I'll be great! (like when the kids are all in school, maybe). 

 My little boys are growing up too fast. Michael 10/20/12

 My big boy. He just gets more handsome every day. Adam 10/20/12

Our new family picture, taken by yours truly (thanks to the tripod). I know we're crazy...it was freezing, I just had a baby...but we needed to get it done and the leaves were already falling. I think we did ok.

And you can see how much Lillian is growing!! 11/9/12

Slow down little girl! Please stay little a while...

She looks a bit stunned.

We just love this baby! (11/18/12)

For those who don't know, just after Thanksgiving we found out that Lillian has a milk protein allergy. That means that her immune system attacks dairy proteins that enter her body, not recognizing that they are harmless, and this causes an allergic reaction. It all started when I changed her diaper and found streaks of blood. And she was really fussy, cried the "I really hurt!!" cry a lot, and had lots of gas. So, what does this mean for us? Thank heavens nursing is going well this time around...it means I can't have any dairy products (even chocolate!! Seriously, that's really hard! or cheese). The doctor says that babies usually outgrow the allergy; many by 1 year, most by 3 yrs. So, as long as nursing goes well, I just don't eat dairy. If we need to supplement with formula, we'll use a synthetic formula (i.e.: Allimentum). 

While it's rough not being able to have any dairy, it's ok. Really. We've discovered almond milk and I substitute that for milk in baking. Brian even made us a white sauce for our noodles using the almond milk (and oil instead of butter). What a man! He really loves us. 

When the doctor asked this week how it was going with the diet I told her the truth. Honestly, it's hard. But I am really grateful that I know how to cook. So many possibilities are available to me because of that skill. If we were stuck with store-bought/pre-made food...I'd be in trouble. Yes, it would be easier to put Lillian on formula. But the fact that nursing is going well this time and she's growing, makes me happy to do it...and I just love our little Lillian. We sacrifice because we love. I haven't even been tempted to eat dairy, because it doesn't affect me, it would hurt Lillian. So in that respect, it's easier. 

We're all doing alright. We're adjusting to the new normal. We've all had colds lately, but hopefully we're all on the mend. We miss you all!!