This afternoon I had an interesting experience. Other friends and I have laughed about what some people have to said to us in reference to the number of children we have. We laugh about all the things we wish we could have said in response.
Today as I was picking up Adam from school I was carrying Lillian and holding Michael's hand. A gentleman passing by was counting my children out loud..."I see one, two...?" Since I was picking up Adam at the school, he could assume I had at least one more and as I'm now obviously pregnant, he seemed surprised. I replied, "Three and a half, actually!" (I might add that I was cheerful about it). As I was walking away he joked, "You know the cause and effect, right?"
I rather boldly replied, "Yeah, we've got that one down great, thanks!" Then I just continued to walk away as I heard him chuckle. In retrospect, maybe I should have just smiled and walked away, but the words just flew out of my mouth! As a married woman and mother of nearly four, I better know how and why I have children. Might as well let this gentleman know I enjoy my children and my husband and I purposefully have more than one. :)
As I walked up to the school a woman looked at me and apologized. I didn't understand why she was apologizing ("maybe the guy was her husband?" I thought, but nope, he wasn't). She apologized that he was so rude and said the amount of children I had was none of his business. "You could have twenty kids if you want!" No, thank you...one at a time is all I can handle. She was so offended by what he had said to me, a total stranger.
I simply told her, "It's ok. I've heard it before. They all have good intentions." I didn't realize until I was driving home that I simply chose to not be offended. The nice lady was offended in my behalf, but it probably spoiled her afternoon. I probably offended her by not being offended by the other guy! I'm glad that the gentleman seemed light-hearted about the whole thing and not derogatory. I could be stewing mad about what he said all evening, but I'm not. I just let it roll off and now I'm just grateful that I chose to not be offended.
Perhaps there will be another time when I consciously make a choice...and hopefully I won't be offended then either. It's always our choice. So choose to not be offended. It makes your day so much better and it will probably take the wind out someone's sails if they are intentionally trying to offend you.
7 years ago
1 comment:
Kathy! I don't know if I knew you were pregnant. Maybe I did but have forgotten. It's so funny to read this post because just about 5 minutes ago I replied to another friend's post about the number of children we have and what people think..... Just to prove it I went and copied it and I'm going to paste it here!
"I know that I want to have a fourth, but the thought of that fourth child coming and knowing all that it will entail scares me. I know it will be a very blessed time for our family, but it also scares me. When I had Alex it was a hard transition because I had a toddler and an infant. Adding Zach didn't feel as hard because Alex was 3 3/4 years old. It was still overwhelming, but it didn't feel as hard. I would like our 4th to be closer to Zach than the gap we had between Alex and Zach so then I think about doing that infant/toddler thing all over again with two older children as well. AHHHHHH!! Anyway, that was quite the over-share!! I'm glad it's all working out with Peter (she just had her fourth). Oh, and I struggled with knowing what to say to people when they tell me my hands are full (and sometimes they tell it to me when I only have Alex and Zach while Ethan's at school and I want to tell them I have one more!). When they say my hands are full I try to remember to reply, "full of blessings". When I'm in public I hope that people who see me with my 1-3 boys (depending on how many I have with me that time) know that I am grateful for my role as mother. I'm afraid that they only hear me getting after the boys to hold on to the cart and to stop their rambunctious behavior and they hear me frustrated with them. When I get home I feel awful for them hearing me frustrated because I don't want to sound like "that parent". I know that I have a lot of work to do with using better words and voice with my children, but if people are going to judge me for how many kids I have I hope that their judgement is positive and it's harder for that to happen when I am upset with my kids. Now that was beyond over-share! Sorry!"
I love your response to the man and I love your thoughts on your intentional additions of children. Congratulations, Kathy!
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